


Even Heroes Fall

by Weasleymama



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Blood, Depression, Loss, Murder, Murder-Suicide, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, School Shootings, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:51:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9466169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weasleymama/pseuds/Weasleymama
Summary: A shooting at Abigail Adams High leaves all lives changed forever.





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading, please understand that this is a sensitive topic but I am writing it, not to exploit the topic, but to deal with it in my own way. I find that writing about situations helps me to deal with my own feelings on these matters. I hope that it doesn’t upset any readers but please understand this will include graphic violence regarding school shootings. If the topic is triggering/too much for you please refrain from reading.
> 
> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to all comments!

> Farkle and Riley left the group before the bell rang to set up Riley’s presentation for her end of semester science project. She’d been pushing herself in science class – having found it easier to excel in science class without Farkle sitting beside her. His genius made her feel insignificant sometimes, he had the ability somehow to always get the answer before she could. But even though he wasn’t in the class, he’d offered to help her set up her project and review her flash cards for the presentation together. 
> 
> ** The first shot seemed to echo through the halls, it was almost 8 seconds before the following shots sounded one after another. The shots sounded like fireworks as they cut through the sounds of screams and stampeding feet. **
> 
> It wasn’t the shot that scared the two, it was the screams that followed it. The shot sounded like a firework but the screams didn’t fit. Both eyes went wide. “Get down!” Farkle snapped as he moved past her. He pushed the door, attempting to close it, before he too slid under a table. The door didn’t shut completely, leaving them both with a view of trampling feet running down the halls in panic. Riley shook as tears filled her eyes but Farkle just stared down hall from the crack in the door. When a girl fell outside the door and was stepped on, Riley closed her eyes tight. She trembled as she cried, praying they weren’t found. She’d seen the news reports of things like this happening, but it wasn’t supposed to happen here…not in her school, not in her life. 
> 
> Farkle took in a breath when Riley’s sobs grew louder and while he didn’t consider them being unheard over the screaming outside the room, he didn’t want her to give them away where they hid. He slid across the floor, moving under her table and wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. “Shhh. Riley please...”
> 
> It wasn’t until Farkle tried to move away from her that she said anything resembling words. She grabbed for him, clutching onto his shirt. “No! Please no!” She screamed out, eyes still closed tightly. Her fears taking hold of someone trying to take Farkle from her, trying to hurt them both. She didn’t realize the police were clearing out the school after the incident ended. 
> 
> It took her a few tries before she believed the officer who told her it was over and she was safe. She started down the halls she saw unknown students covered in sheets with blood stains, splatters of blood on the walls and footprints from people running through the blood of their fellow students. Only a moment in the hall taking in the sight and everything went black. The officer caught Riley when she passed out, carrying her out to one of the EMTs in front of the school.
> 
> When the Minkus International helicopter landed on the school baseball field, the police nearly arrested Stuart Minkus on the spot. But Stuart only wanted to find his son. They allowed him to wait with the other parents, informing him no one would be leaving until the situation was assessed and all statements were taken. Cory on the other hand was part of the staff and was able to go through the students to find his daughter.
> 
> Cory found Riley and Farkle together sitting outside the school on a sidewalk near the ambulances. Riley had a blanket around her along with Farkle’s arm as she rocked back and forth slightly. “Riley! Oh thank God!” Cory exclaimed as he rushed them. He knelt before her and as he asked her if she was okay, he opened the blanket, checking for wounds or blood. He noticed the rocking then, the vacant look in her eyes. “Riley?” He asked again but she said nothing. The shock of it all hit her hard and she wasn’t able to handle it. Her sheltered mind and fragile spirit was shattered with all she’d seen and heard.
> 
> Farkle reached out and touched Cory’s shoulder. “Mr. Matthews….”
> 
> Cory jerked up his head and looked relieved again. “Farkle, are you okay? I’m so glad you were with her.” He moved to hug them both and let out a relieved sigh. 
> 
> “We were in the science lab.” Farkle explained softly to his teacher who grew more and more concerned with Riley’s silence. “We didn’t see it, but we could hear it…she…um, she walked out in the hall with the cop and she just fainted, she hasn’t been the same since. The, uh, the…” He motioned to the ambulances. “Said she wasn’t hurt but she won’t talk.” Cory listened to Farkle nodding.
> 
> Cory hugged them both again. “Thank you, Farkle.” Cory exhaled again, but still held them both close. “Thank you for staying with Riley…thank you.” Farkle knew he’d done all he could for them both, but Riley’s lack of response, her empty eyes frightened him.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Lucas moved up behind Maya as she swapped out books in her locker. His arm snaked around her as he moved in close. His chin rested on her shoulder as he pecked her cheek just as his hand reached past her and into her locker for a stashed away Pop Tart. “Hey! That’s my lunch, Huckleberry!” She exclaimed, turning to face him, still only inches away from him. She glared at him until he moved into kiss her when he scowl broke and she returned the soft kiss. 
> 
> “Hey!” He exclaimed as he pulled back. “No biting!” 
> 
> She laughed and pulled him by his shirt back towards her. “Shut up.” She teased and kissed the bottom lip she’d bitten – but this time much softer. As she pulled back she looked up at him as she snatched the Pop Tart back from his hand. “Walk me to English?” She asked, but he knew it wasn’t really a question just as much as she knew she didn’t have to ask him. She tossed the pastry back into her locker and slammed the door shut. 
> 
> They had a routine at this point in their relationship – but it was a routine that she liked. Comfort wasn’t always appreciated, but for Maya, comfort and a secure relationship was one of the sexiest things possible. She’d lived in chaos most of her life, Lucas made everything feel right in the world. He walked her to her classes, but didn’t make her feel weak and while she never thought she’d be into PDA, she liked it when he kissed her in the halls and held her hand. 
> 
> His arm slid around her as they turned together but just as they took a step Lucas stopped quick – jerking her to a stop as well. Maya had been looking at him as she teased but her eyes moved forward at his grip on her and was face to face with the barrel of the gun. She barely noticed the cold eyes behind it before she was shoved sideways into the lockers. With wide eyes Lucas had taken in the gun pointed at him and the world seemed to slow down turning milliseconds into minutes. Lucas felt like he could actually see the finger squeeze the trigger. 
> 
> Maya, too, felt time slow, her head turned from Lucas to the man with the gun. Just as Lucas had pushed her, wanting to keep her safe, she wanted to do the same for him. She threw up an arm as she shouted his name. Her voice was drowned out by the sound of the gun firing. The bullet flew hot through the air, slicing Maya’s bare arm before it hit Lucas in the chest. She screamed as the splatter of blood hit her face before she and Lucas both fell to the ground together. 
> 
> ** The first shot seemed to echo through the halls, it was almost 8 seconds before the following shots sounded one after another. The shots sounded like fireworks as they cut through the sounds of screams and stampeding feet. **
> 
> Maya buried her head against Lucas, her clothes soaked quickly with his blood. She screamed out as the other shots rang out over her head. The mass of people ran past them, some stumbling over them. Some fell with shots, some screamed out but kept running. The last shot had the gunman dropping mere feet away from where Maya and Lucas lay on the cold floor, a shot to his own head the last one to ring through the hall. It wasn’t until the shots stopped, that Maya let herself look up. First behind her to see that the threat was gone, the man with the gun was on the ground in a pool of blood. Then she looked quickly to Lucas, and while she could feel how much blood was covering them both, she silently pleaded that he would be looking back at her.
> 
> “Lucas?” She cried as she touched his cheek, her fingerprints leaving streaks of blood on his face like paint. “Lucas please…please.” She begged but his body remained lifeless. Lucas’s blue eyes stared up at the fluorescent lights unblinking while Maya sobbed. She clung to him, not caring that she was covered in his blood, nothing at all made sense in that moment. “Don’t leave me…don’t...”
> 
> When the first officer moved to pull her off Lucas she screamed ‘No!’ and swung at the officer before clinging tighter to Lucas’s lifeless form. It took three officers and a paramedic to finally separate Maya from Lucas. The first reaction to the amount of blood soaking her clothes was that she had been hit along with her boyfriend, but Maya shoved the paramedic away. “I’m not hurt!” She screamed trying to push past the officer to get back to Lucas. “Stop! I need to stay with him! Please!” She screamed out, her arm bleeding further as she tried to climb over the arm of one officer before they got her out of the school. Once she was in the ambulance she stopped struggling. As they bandaged her arm, Maya watched through the door as people exited the school knowing that the one person she wanted to see would never walk back out.


	2. Day 10

> When the first shot rang out Riley’s head jerked up, her hair flying across her face and distorting her view for the moment. When she saw clearly again, she could hear Farkle, but not see him. He yelled for her to get down and she did. She hid under the table, cowering in fear. Shots rang out and people screamed. 
> 
> With her own scream she was in the hallway, surrounded by people running away. It made her dizzy as they all rushed past her. She looked down at her feet and had to blink a few times to be sure she saw it right. She was standing in a pool of blood. She shivered and backed away, trying to get away from all the blood. As she moved she saw her own red footprints on the tile floor. Riley felt like she couldn’t catch her breath as she shook. It felt like the walls and the screams were suffocating her. 
> 
> She turned around and closed her eyes, trying to breath, telling herself over and over again to breathe. When she turned back around the hall was quiet. She could still see the blood, bodies on the floor covered with white clothes turning red. A hand reached for her and she looked from the arm up, following his uniform sleeve up to the badge he wore. A police officer, he was there to help her, to take her out of this place and she was thankful. She didn’t want to be there anymore, she never wanted to come back.
> 
> Riley tried not to look as they walked, but the aftermath of the attack…splatters of blood from the lockers to the floor all filled her eyes. The blood splatters on Maya’s lockers made her stomach drop and then churn. In seconds fears filled her mind on what happened, on if it was from Maya. Maybe it wasn’t, maybe it was someone standing near. She hated that she hoped for anyone to be hurt, but she needed Maya to be okay. Her eyes looked away from the locker to the floor where she saw another body under a sheet. She wanted to close her eyes tight, wanted to stop seeing it but she couldn’t seem to force her lids closed. She took in the size of the body, the amount of blood all around and then the feet that didn’t fit under the cloth. The only part of him not covered were the black boots, thick at the toe and scuffed slightly. She knew those boots.
> 
> She swallowed hard and stopped. Her hand shook as she reached down and took hold of the cloth. 
> 
> Riley sat up quickly, gasping for air in lieu of a scream. It was dark, the glow of the light in the hall seeping in the crack in the door. She looked around quickly, making sure she was home in her bed and not back in that hallway. She was soaked with sweat with her sheet tangled around her legs making her feel trapped. She kicked them all away and reached to turn on the light beside her bed. She needed to see her room to know she was truly safe. 
> 
> Riley hadn’t spoken a word since the shooting, she felt numb but heavy inside, as if her entire body was buried up to her chest and she couldn’t get out. Words were nothing anymore, nor was the urge to even attempt to speak them. There was nothing in the world that made any sense now. Lucas was gone. Maya was heartbroken. Farkle tried to find answers. Zay withdrew from them all. And Riley felt alone, alone and suffocated at the same time. She was scared of everything, her once perfect world shattered and destroyed. Nothing was safe outside this room. 
> 
> Riley wouldn’t leave the apartment any longer, she rarely even left her own bedroom. They had to find a doctor who would come to her for therapy sessions – her trauma too deep to try to force her out. She kept the windows closed – not to keep out Maya, but to keep out everything else. She didn’t even let the light from the sun in, covering the glass with heavy drapes. If she could see out, danger could see in.   
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> Long after the funeral ended, Maya remained sitting in the folding chair. She’d been silent the entire time, large dark glasses hiding her face not only from the Texas sun, but also hiding her red eyes as she cried. She’d watched the people speak, the flowers laid on the smooth wood casket. She’d watched as he was lowered into the ground. 
> 
> Mr. Friar had patted her arm as he escorted his sobbing wife back to the house and Maya turned her head and watched them go. The Friars had a family cemetery on the farm, past the barn and up a hill. She didn’t understand the want to have a cemetery on your own land until people began to depart and she wanted nothing more than to stay close to Lucas. 
> 
> She stood with her fists clenched as they filled in the dirt over Lucas, laying him to rest. She remained standing still as stone as the tent was taken down and the chairs packed back on a truck. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet and hated that she had to. Pappy Joe stepped in beside her, his hat in his hand and tears in his eyes. This Texan felt no shame in crying. Maya barely looked up at the tall older man, looking at him only made her miss Lucas that much more. 
> 
> “You stay here as long as you want, darlin’.” He began, swiping a tear across his cheek. He’d set up a room for her there, and her parents so they didn’t have to stay in a hotel…even Zay would be on the couch. She appreciated all they’d done to treat her and her family like one of their own, but she couldn’t muster the words then, only nodded.
> 
> Pappy Joe walked back down to the house, meeting Shawn and Katy on the way and let them know Maya was okay and they should join him inside. As the sun began to set, Maya sank down to sit in the grass near the fresh dirt. “I really hate that you’re from Texas.” She began as if he was sitting beside her. “I hate that this is where you’re going to be and I have no idea when I’ll get to come back to see you.” She placed a hand on the soil and let out a choked sob. “You’re really stupid, you know that? Stupid cowboy hick just has to be the hero. I never wanted you to be the hero, you weren’t supposed to be that with **me**.” 
> 
> Her hand clenched a fistful of dirt like she’d once done with his shirts. “You shouldn’t have pushed me. You should have been the one to live with just a stupid scar on your arm, not me. If you wanted to be the fucking hero so bad, you should have lived so you could really be one. So you could save the world, not some stupid girl who could never be what you could have been.” She swiped an angry hand across her face, smearing a little dirt over her nose. “You would have contributed amazing things to the world. You’re so good, so damn good and I’m just a mess. I should have pushed you.”
> 
> Darkness set in and only the light from the house lit up some of the grass at the bottom of the hill but Maya didn’t mind. She stayed on the grass talking to Lucas for what she feared would be the last time. She never saw Zay making his way up the hill. “When we talked about coming back here together, this wasn’t what I had in mind. We were supposed to come back for school. We had a plan, Huckleberry. This was not part of the plan.” 
> 
> Zay stepped up behind her and spoke softly. “What was your plan?” Maya’s head jerked up as she gasped. Her eyes were wide in the darkness as her heart raced. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He muttered as he lowered himself down to sit beside her in the grass. When she didn’t answer or say anything he sighed. “Maya…please talk to me. It’s hard enough with Riley still not talking, please don’t do that too.”
> 
> She bit at her lip as she thought about his words. He was right; it was hard with Riley still not speaking since the shooting. She was seeing a doctor who said she was suffering with PTSD and shock. It was why the Matthews hadn’t come to the funeral; they worried that facing the funeral would be too much for her. She sniffed a little and nodded. “We were going to apply to colleges here together.” She gave in but didn’t meet his eyes, not looking away from the dirt where Lucas lay. “He told me once that when we got married he wanted to do it here, on this farm.” Her lip shook as she shared a secret no one else knew about. “I told him he was lame and laughed.” She finally turned to Zay then, tears falling down her face once more. “Why did I do that? Why did I always do that? I loved him, I wanted to be with him, I would have come back here to marry him…why didn’t I tell him?” She sobbed out as Zay’s arm moved around her. 
> 
> Zay didn’t speak right away; he wanted to make sure he had the right words. “He loved you, Maya, a lot. And he knew how much you loved him.” He wanted to make her feel better, wanted her to know she’d never done anything wrong. It hurt them all to lose Lucas but Maya seemed to be taking it harder than anyone else He had a feeling it had more to do with being there with him when he died than it had to do with who loved him the most. “Every time you teased him he knew it was how you showed how you felt, he’s known that since the beginning.”
> 
> “Yeah... he told me that once.” She admitted. “I just still feel like I was a horrible person. That I should have done more, told him more.” Her head rested on Zay’s shoulder and she was glad for a moment he was there beside her. “He deserved more than I ever gave him.”
> 
> Zay sighed. “Maybe so, but I think he’d probably say the same thing about you. I don’t think it matters what you deserve.” He leaned his head over against hers. “You loved each other, that’s all that matters.” There was a long silence then; the sound of the crickets seemed even louder than Maya’s crying. “You want me to go so you can keep talking to him?” He offered, not trying to take away something she needed to do, just wanting to make sure she was really okay up there by herself. 
> 
> Maya shook her head a little. “No.” She turned to look at him after a moment. “Zay? Do you believe in God?”
> 
> “I do.” He didn’t need to consider his reply; it was something he’d grown up knowing was true.
> 
> “I’ve never been sure.” She admitted. “I’ve told people I was, but I have a lot of doubts you know?” She swallowed hard, eyes back on the dirt. “You think Lucas is in heaven?” 
> 
> “Definitely.” 
> 
> Maya considered this for a moment and nodded with a decision in mind. “If God is real…then he’s a bastard.” 


	3. Day 30

> Maya took a deep breath as she stood outside of Abigail Adams. The school had re-opened after the shooting and many of the students had returned – however out of the six of them, Maya was the only one who even showed her face back at the school. 
> 
> Cory chose to leave his job – while he loved his students and teaching a new generation, he loved his daughter more. Riley’s agoraphobia had settled in so hard that there seemed to be no turning it around, homeschooling was her only option and he wouldn’t have it any other way than to see to her education himself. Maya had been invited to join them but the idea of it was unsettling for her. She’d been to see Riley several times, but her best friend still wasn’t speaking and the apartment no longer felt like a warm home, it felt like a real dungeon of sadness. Just being in there without Riley’s happy voice took away the safety of the place and made Maya feel like she was drowning. 
> 
> Farkle had been enrolled in the most prestigious private school in the city. He devoted himself completely to his studies, focusing more on physics than anything else. He wanted to find answers to all the questions he had. To why things happened, what was real and why they were all there. He pulled away from them all, his friends only a reminder of his own failures. He had protected Riley, a feat that he was praised for and thanked for over and over – but to Farkle, he only remembered cowering under a desk while his best friend stood face to face with a loaded gun.
> 
> Zay was gone, the incident scaring his mother enough to have him shipped back to Texas. He’d be living with his grandmother until his father could arrange for another transfer. He’d promised to keep in touch, but as days turned to weeks, he slipped away from them all.
> 
> Maya wanted nothing more than to have her normalcy back, the normal feelings that Lucas had once given her. She wanted a sense of stability once more and it seemed impossible to grasp. She clenched her fists to keep her hands from shaking as she walked into the school. It smelled like cleanser and fresh paint. She stood still for a long moment, looking around at everything that had changed. New lockers, new paint on the walls, bleached tiled floors. She didn’t notice the tears falling down her face, wouldn’t have even realized she was crying if it hadn’t been for Mr. Jackson stepping up beside her. 
> 
> “Miss Hart?” he spoke softly, but she didn’t turn, just stared down the hallway where she’d lost the man she thought she would spend her life with. “Maya?” He stepped around in front of her, putting a hand on her shoulder. “How would you like to come down to my class for a while?” She barely nodded as she moved with him down the opposite hallway. She let Mr. Jackson lead the way as she looked back over her shoulder, unable to stop seeing Lucas lying on the floor.
> 
> Maya spent the entire day in the art room, as if she wasn’t in attendance at all. She cried and drew and cried and painted and cried a little more, but it wasn’t until the final bell rang and she needed to go home that she finally began to talk to the teacher she’d grown so close to. She let him see her darkest art, she told him thank you for letting her stay in there all day. 
> 
> “It’s all right, I spoke with Mrs. Newman and she understands your situation.” He spoke of the school principal as he sat down on a stool near hers. “Maya, are you sure you’re really ready to come back?” he looked at her with sad eyes. “You know you don’t have to be here, don’t you? You can change schools or even home school.”
> 
> She shook her head. “It’s not what I thought it was going to be. I…I don’t know what I thought it would be but…this isn’t it.” She tried to explain. “I knew it was going to be hard to be here again but I thought seeing old friends might make it easier but…” She swallowed hard and shrugged. “They’re all gone.”
> 
> “You are always welcome to spend time in here, Maya. But I really think you should go talk to the grief counselor they brought in. I think it might help, and they have some group time as well, so you can be with other students who feel the same way.”
> 
> But Maya just shook her head. “No.” She muttered as she took one last look at the painting she’d been working on. Taking a deep breath she tore it from the easel and balled up the thick paper before throwing it in the trash. For Maya there was no one who felt the same way she did, no one lost what she did. They wouldn’t understand her…she barely understood herself.


	4. Day 38

> Over her first – and only – week back, Maya only ever went to the art room with Mr. Jackson. He’d talked to the administration and okayed it for the week due to her situation and the trauma she’d suffered. But he’d been forced to let Maya know it would only be for the one week and when she came back after the weekend she’d have to go on to regular classes.
> 
> She stood in the empty hall after school on Friday afternoon. Only a few students scattered the halls, everyone on their way out and ready to start the weekend. She stood still as a stone staring down to where Lucas had fallen. While everything looked different Maya could still see everything the way it had once been. Her locker had been blue with a dent in the lower half where she’d kicked it in frustration when it wouldn’t open. Now they were all red and new but she couldn’t see that just then. 
> 
> She didn’t see where he fell, instead she saw his smile. He used to lean against her locker waiting for her. She saw the way all her friends would be there together. Riley’s locker was three down from hers and only because the girls had made trades with people to ensure they got to stay close. 
> 
> The loud bang echoed through the hall and Maya let out a yelp and instinctively ducked down and covered her head. Her memories were gone in a flash and her heart was racing. It took her a moment to realize the sound had just been a locker being slammed down the hall – the students standing by it looked to the young blonde with sadness. One of them called a ‘sorry’ before they both walked away. 
> 
> As Maya slowly stood her eyes darted around nervously. It was then she knew – she couldn’t stay there. She’d come back wanting normalcy, wanting friends nearby and wanting to try and feel close to Lucas once more. They’d spent so much time together in those halls. She wanted something that felt real again but without her friends she just felt alone.
> 
> When she got home she sat down with Katy and Shawn, telling them both very simply that she wasn’t going back to school. She’d hoped they would just understand and let her decide things for herself, but when she informed them she didn’t want to go to **any** school Katy had to speak up.
> 
> “Baby girl, I know you don’t want to go back there, I was against it when you said you were going to try but…you can’t just drop out. You need to enroll somewhere.” She spoke softly, hating how much pain her daughter had been in and hating how little she could do to protect her.
> 
> “Are you sure you don’t want Cory to teach you?” Shawn suggested, his brow furrowed, hating Maya’s pain just as much as Katy. “Don’t you think it would help to be with Riley?” Maya just stared up at him pointedly. “Okay, I know it’s different over there now, but…it might do you both some good to be together.”
> 
> Maya just shook her head. “No, I love her, but I can’t spend all day over there…it’s just too much.” Maya honestly felt as if she could feel the depression seeping from the Matthew’s apartment before she even got into the building. She wanted to be there for Riley but she couldn’t bring herself to be what the younger girl needed.
> 
> It was only a couple days later when they all sat down together again. “Okay, here’s my proposition.” Shawn began. He’d been researching non-stop about a better solution for Maya than just dropping out. “I found an online high school I want you to try out.” 
> 
> Maya looked to him with a curious kind of excitement, feeling like it couldn’t possibly be this easy. “Sweetie…” Katy began. “This is going to be a lot different than what you’re used to. You will have to do it all yourself. You can email the teachers with questions, but there’s no one leading your lessons except you.” She wanted Maya to finish school, she wanted more for the girl than she’d ever had herself but she knew that Maya had also been through more in sixteen years than she’d experienced in almost forty. 
> 
> Maya knew she had times when she wasn’t doing her best – but she’d turned that around a lot in high school. She’d wanted more for herself and she had people her who seemed to believe she could do it. “I know.” Maya told her mother with a nod. “But I can’t go back in there…I don’t want to be inside any of them, they’re all the same. I just…can’t.”


	5. Day 100

> Maya’s arm rested on the edge of the door, the car window down and the scenery flying past her as Shawn drove. They had taken the opportunity with Maya home schooling to go on field trips when Shawn went on the road. He had learned from his travels as well as his books and thought it may benefit her to do the same. Katy came along when she could, but many times it was just Shawn and Maya for a few days.
> 
> When meeting people on the road, Shawn introduced Maya as his daughter, never using the word ‘step’ before it. He didn’t want the separation, he wanted her to be his daughter and so to him she was. It was a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by the teenage girl, often putting a small smile on her face anytime he said it. 
> 
> Shawn pitched an idea to the magazine for a story about national monuments and memorials for the sole purpose of taking Maya to see them all up close. He knew it would benefit her studies to learn about those places and the history behind them – not to mention give her some time away from the city. Once she had begun home schooling she was less social and he and Katy were getting concerned at how depressed she seem to be getting. They were worried about Riley as it was, they didn’t want their daughter taking the same deep fall.
> 
> He flew her to Mount Rushmore and took her to see several sites in Washington DC and this time he was taking her to Philadelphia. Maya hadn’t been to Philly since they’d dug up the time capsule years before. She knew that just like the Matthew's Shawn was from there as well but he'd never seemed to have anything there that made him hold onto the place and visit it often. 
> 
> Shawn had other plans in mind for this trip – more than just taking her to see the Liberty Bell. He pointed out the window of the hotel room…across the highway where the trailer park sat looking hardly any different than it had 20 years before. “See the blue one there? That’s the lot we had when I was a kid.” He took her for a long walk, telling her stories about his own youth. 
> 
> On day two of the trip, they had gone for another walk and when they approached what seemed to be the destination, Maya stopped short. “What are we doing here?” She asked bluntly.
> 
> Shawn took a deep breath. The cemetery before them was quiet, it was early afternoon and there wasn’t anyone else in sight. “This is where my dad is buried.” He told her softly. “I wanted to talk to you about him.”
> 
> “Shawn….” She held back when he took a step forward. “If this is about Lucas….”
> 
> “This is about my dad.” He could see her hesitation. “And if you take something from it then all the better for me. But really, I planned to bring you here someday anyway – this just seemed like a good time to discuss it.” She nodded and started walking with him as she bit nervously at her lip as she moved slowly, dragging her feet. 
> 
> “When I lost my dad I felt like the whole world was crashing around me. I was in a terrible place with him when it happened and could never apologize for it. And what’s more, I didn’t want to at the time, I was so angry at everything. My life had never been great but I felt like God wasn’t with me, that I was put on the path to pain and had nothing left.” He spoke as they walked and soon they approached the headstone for Chet Hunter. “But it all changed right here.” He continued, stepping forward and brushing a few blades of cut grass from the front of the headstones.
> 
> Shawn sat down on the grass near the headstone and patted the ground for Maya to join him. “I came here once, I was half drunk and feeling miserable. I felt alone and lost.” Maya looked down at his words, she knew she wasn’t alone but it didn’t stop her from missing Lucas every day. “He came here to me.” He told her and she looked up with a furrowed brow that made him laugh. “I don’t mean he was some ghost literally here.” He shook his head as his own laugh made her smile.
> 
> “But I could feel him with me. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, and for all I know it’s all in my head. But I like to think he’s looking down on me and when I really need him, he gives me the advice I need.” He smiled softly, remembering. “The most important moments in my life, I have felt him with me, urging me in the right direction. Maybe it’s my conscious maybe it’s his voice in my head like a memory, but for me it’s him and it gives me peace.” 
> 
> Shawn put his arm around Maya. He wanted so much for her to have some peace with all that happened. He knew she could put on a strong face, he knew she tried to show she was never weak, but deep down she was hurting. Shawn never let on that he heard her cry at night, never let on that he knew she had nightmares often. He knew when she hugged her mother more often, especially tight when she was leaving for work, that Maya was clinging in fear she’d lose someone else – he knew because he’d once felt all those same things.
> 
> “Do you remember the day when we were all at the store and I asked your mother to go out?” 
> 
> Maya nodded. “Of course I do, you asked my permission.” She smiled, remembering it clearly. “I’d been wanting it, I know it’s silly, but…I wanted you in my life from the moment I met you. I just felt like I could trust you, and that you understood me and would be…I don’t know, who mom and I needed.” She shrugged, a little pink on her cheeks admitting it to him.
> 
> “Hey, I wanted to be there for you from day one too, kiddo.” He nudged her shoulder a little from where they sat before he hugged her to his side. “I didn’t understand it or know what I was supposed to be, but I saw something in you and thought about myself as a kid and I knew I could be there for you if you let me. And…you could be there for me too.” She rested her head over on him then, listening to his words. “But that day, when your mom asked me…and I was quiet for a long time, I felt like my dad was there. It was an important moment in my life, opening myself up to the two of you like you’d done for me.”
> 
> “I’ve always had trouble opening myself up to anyone. I guard myself, just like you do. But I could feel him telling me it was time to let you in, let you both in. I could feel him standing there beside me. Just like I felt him there with me before I moved to New York all that time ago. Now I’m not saying that this is how it works for everyone all the time, Maya. I know that it’s mostly my faith and my love for my dad that keeps him in my head and lets me know the advice he’d give me if he were still with me.”
> 
> Shawn looked the other way purposefully when Maya wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t have much faith.” She whispered.
> 
> “I know you don’t.” He rested his head over on top of hers. “And I really want to help you find it.” He could feel her tense up some at his words. “I’m not saying we’re going to start going to church or reading the bible at home. I’m not even saying its God you need to have faith in. That’s what _**I**_ believe in, but what’s right for you might be something entirely different. I just want you to try to be open to the possibility that there is someone or something out there looking out for you. That…even though all these shitty things happened, if we’re open to it we can understand…” 
> 
> “There’s no reason for Lucas to die!” She nearly snapped at him, cutting him off as her voice cracked slightly. She knew what Shawn was getting at now, the same old adage: God has a plan. There’s a reason for everything. Just believe and it’ll feel better. It was all ridiculous. 
> 
> “Maya…” he sighed a little. “I’m not saying that or trying to upset you. I don’t think there was a reason for my dad to die when he did. I’m saying that my faith in something else out there beyond death helps me think I’ll see him again one day and it makes it hurt a little less.” She looked at her knees, feeling a little bad for yelling at him. “You have every right to be angry. You have every right to question why and then hate that there isn’t a reason. I just don’t want that anger to take you over. I told you when I married your mom I wanted to be your dad, and I love you as if I was. I want the best for you…I want you to find some comfort and peace in _something_ , sweetheart.”


	6. Day 183

> It took six months of therapy before Riley began to speak again. Her voice was never the same as it was, it took on a softer tone like a shy child. She didn’t speak much, each word took thought and effort. She only spoke when she truly had something to say, never needing to fill silences. 
> 
> While she made a huge breakthrough with speech, she still refused to leave the apartment – or leave her own window open. It saddened Maya to go by the building and see the window closed and curtains drawn. It was that open window that had brought her into Riley’s world, that she’d continued to come through for more than a decade and now she felt like it would never really be open again. 
> 
> She’d begun to study with Riley and Cory a few days a week. Now that Riley would speak again Maya felt more comfortable there – though she hated coming in the front door. 
> 
> “Are you scared?” Riley asked her softly as they sat close together at the table in the kitchen.
> 
> Maya looked up, meeting her best friend’s eyes. “Of what?” Riley’s eyes just looked to the front door and Maya understood. “Oh.” Maya hesitated for a moment before she answered. “Sometimes? I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not scared of being out there, I’m scared of losing people. But I’ve always been scared of that in a way…I guess now it’s just a bigger fear.” She shifted a little on the bench, scooting closer to her best friend. “I never thought I would lose Lucas, not really. Even if we broke up, I knew we’d do anything we could to stay friends because we were important to one another.” Riley listened closely in her silence. “But when it hit me how fast I could lose someone I love, I didn’t want it to happen again.” 
> 
> Riley nodded and put an arm around Maya. The young brunette felt similar, except unlike Maya her fear had taken over. Outside was pain and terror, outside was the risk of losing herself and leaving everyone she did love behind. Her heart would race whenever the door opened. School had been a safe place for her – even when she’d been bullied, she still felt a certain safety at school. She had people who loved her there and they all held onto one another. But it was too quick that she lost one of those people. If it wasn’t safe at school, it wasn’t safe anywhere outside. 
> 
> While her parents tried to explain that crime in NYC was actually at its lowest in decades, she couldn’t believe them. Television shows portrayed New York as such a dangerous place...how could she not let those ideas sink into her head? Especially considering what she’d seen in her own school - what had happened to her best friends? 
> 
> “I miss them.” Riley said softly to Maya, speaking of all the boys who were no longer around their life as they’d once been. Farkle came by several times a week but she didn’t see him like she did before. Zay’s calls to Maya were so few and far between now that he didn’t even know Riley was talking again. 
> 
> “I know.” Maya said soft. “I do too.”  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Cory was thankful to have Maya studying with them, he wanted Riley to have someone to socialize with. He’d tried to convince Minkus to allow Farkle to come, but the protective father had already made up his mind about Farkle’s education.
> 
> The following morning when she arrived Cory was waiting for her at the kitchen table with his laptop open in front of him. “Hey, Matthews.” She said as she let herself in. 
> 
> “Hi Maya.” He began as she hung up her coat. “I’d like to talk to you before we begin anything today. Why don’t you come over and sit down.” She eyed him, but did as he asked. “Have you been paying attention to your grades while doing the online schooling?”
> 
> She shrugged. “Not really, just trying to get through the list.” A familiar drop hit her stomach, the same one that came when she was told she’d failed an assignment, or even when she tried her hardest and still got a D.
> 
> “Well I’ve been going over your assignments and test results.” She didn’t meet his eyes as she waited for the bad news. “You’re doing better than you’ve ever done. You’ve pulled yourself up to a 3.1 GPA and are two months ahead of schedule.”
> 
> Maya let out a slight laugh as the smile widened on her face. “Seriously?!”
> 
> Cory couldn’t help but smile at her happiness. “Seriously. I went over everything, you’re almost up to Junior level classes.” He turned the laptop around to show her all he’d been looking over. “If you keep it up, you could graduate early.” He didn’t know what happened with Maya, if it was being at home and on her own to study or if it was the trauma affecting her differently but she’d changed drastically in the past six months. 
> 
> While Cory spoke of possibly shaving a few months off her graduation time, Maya imagined skipping an entire year. Farkle had done it once, it was how he was in their grade to begin with, he’d been moved up in grade school. As she looked over the grades on the screen she felt like she could hear Lucas speaking to her – much like Shawn had told her he heard his father speaking to him. _‘I knew you could do it’_. A warmth filled her and brought a soft smile to her lips. She thought back to the plans they’d made, what they were going to do with their futures. She’d let him believe they’d go to college together, but it wasn’t until then that she thought she’d even be able to go.


	7. Day 638

 

> The man at the counter eyed Maya suspiciously. “Yeah, I’m gonna need some ID, kid.” His voice monotone, he looked away from her, expecting her to just walk out. There was no way this tiny little blonde was 18. But she didn’t walk out, instead she walked in further as she reached into her bag. She handed over her ID with a bright smile. The man reached out a tattoo covered arm to take the ID and chuckled a little to himself. “Ha, all right. Happy birthday.”
> 
> Maya knew the day she turned 18 the one thing she wanted to do. She’d promised her parents she would wait until that day. She wore long sleeves in July for only one reason, she didn’t want to see her own arm, nor have anyone else see it. The few times she’d pushed up her sleeve, there had always been someone to ask about the scar, or to just eye it with sadness.
> 
> She took off her jacket once inside and exposed her scarred arm to the man who introduced himself as Wes once she was actually going to be a customer. “Damn, what happened to you?” He asked, looking at the scars. It may not have been as bad had the bullet not hit her at the angle it did, it scraped along her arm on the way to Lucas and left a long ugly scar rather than a simple hole.
> 
> “Can you cover it up?” She didn’t answer him, just wanted to see if it was even possible. She’d looked up the fact of covering scars with tattoos before, but got conflicting info online regarding how well the ink worked on scar tissue. 
> 
> “He took hold of her arm, turning it some as he eyed the pink skin. “Yeah, I can cover it.” Then he looked her over. “But it’s going to hurt like hell.”
> 
> Maya shrugged. “Don’t care.”
> 
> He never asked her if she was sure, or if she could handle it. Something in her expression told Wes that she had made up her mind. “Know what you want?”
> 
> Maya nodded, pulling out the folded piece of paper from her bag. She handed it over showing him the drawing she’d done of a [Bluebonnet](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/24/a4/9f/24a49f451253d37a5588df311b58d085.jpg), the state flower of Texas. Wes looked it over. “You do this?” She nodded and he smiled once more. “Nice work...” He was impressed and it showed.
> 
> “Thanks.” She muttered. “Can we do it now?” 
> 
> Wes glanced up at her several times as he inked her arm, watching for her to tear up or to wince but only a couple times did Maya show any signs of being in pain. He’d been sure a girl of her size, getting a tattoo over the scar tissue wouldn’t be able to handle it. He’d seen girls her size come in with friends and hold hands and gasp and close their eyes tight. But this girl didn’t need a hand to hold and she never looked away. She watched as her forearm slowly covered in shades of blue. She watched him wipe away blood and keep pulling the needles over her skin. And even when he hit the scar she didn’t wince. He’d heard of course some couldn’t even feel it on scar tissue, but others said it hurt worse. He asked several times through the process how she was and each time she assured him she was good, and the more covered her arm got, the more she smiled when she said it.
> 
> It took three and a half hours to finish the tattoo and Maya and Wes talked the entire time. She finally told him about the scar she was covering actually surprising him with her admission. He was sure by her need to cover it that it was something bad but he hadn’t even considered shooting at her school. She explained the flower to him, the link she had to Texas and why this was so important to her. She hadn’t talked about it to a stranger before, but something about him drew her in. Perhaps it was that he was open with her as well, and some kind of a kindred spirit. He had lost someone he loved very much – his girlfriend Maggie who took her own life with the assistance of a syringe filled with heroin. They’d taken a long pause then, both expressing their apologies that the other had gone through such a thing – but in the same respect, both seemed to find some silent understanding.
> 
> When he finally finished with the ink and wiped away the blood one last time he gave Maya a smile. “So, what do you think?”
> 
> Maya smiled brightly at her arm, looking at it for a long time before she took a bold move and hugged him. “Thank you. So much.” She plopped back into the chair and looked at the blue ink a bit longer. “It’s perfect…better than my sketch.” She admired his work.
> 
> “No, it’s just like your sketch. You’ve got a lot of talent.” He covered the tattoo with some ointment and a loose bit of gauze to keep it clean on her way home – instructing her best on how to take care of it as he walked around the small space and washed his hands. “So, you said you were going to school, yeah?” Maya nodded, putting the ointment in her bag and pulling out her wallet. “Are you looking to be working while you’re going to school?”
> 
> His random question caught her attention. “Huh? Oh, yeah of course. My mom runs a bakery, I work there part time now.”
> 
> “Well…if you’re ever interested in working somewhere you can really put that talent of yours to work, I think you would be really good with inking.”
> 
> “Seriously? Give people tattoos?”
> 
> “Yeah. You’re an artist, and a damn good one. And I think you’ve actually got the balls to handle it. You didn’t even flinch getting your first one so I can’t imagine you’d have problems giving one.” Wes shrugged as he typed into the computer. “Give it some thought, if you find you’re interested come on back and we’ll talk about an apprenticeship.”


End file.
